(about 600 words; more the merrier this festive season)
Disclaimer from Penumbra
I warn you that the message you see below contains a lot of wisdom. However, you can freely copy it and send it to anybody you wish. No acknowledgment is required. But please own authorship of the same so that I am freed of any legal hassles. If cops get at you, that’s your problem. If you have received this message by mistake, for heaven’s sake please do not delete it. Read it fully and pass it on to your friends, girl-friends or boy-friends of your friends, relatives, neigbours, their pet dogs, and the cows on the next street (Send it to animal activists as well, but at your peril!), If you send me an email confirming that you have read my message, I promise to acknowledge it in my next piece of writing. Photographs welcome. Thanks in advance for your co-operation. Merry Christmas.
Penumbra S.Gopal
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Yesterday I went to Brigade Road in Bangalore. I went by an autorickshaw. The Sun was shining brilliantly. It was around 1 pm. I was wearing a grey pant and a dark brown shirt (what a combination? Fashion designer’s nightmare, I thought). To add to the style I was sporting a brand new brown colour BATA laceless shoe with a slightly (?) wornout green colour socks. On reaching Brigade Road, I realised that I was the most well-dressed (or dressed, let me say) individual among the call centre crowd. Sure, that was the cause of my distraction!
While crossing the road, I put my right leg into a small wrong pothole. The new tight shoe did the rest. My ankle got sprained. It started paining, but not too much. I met the person with whom I had an appointment.
In the evening I visited a doctor, got the paining portion examined and X Rayed. `No damage’, said the doctor with a morose face, `Just paste a belladonna plaster on the ankle. Take rest for three days. You should be okay’. I didn’t give him sufficient revenue to enable him purchase a bigger cake for Christmas. That was the reason for his facial expression!
On my way back home, I met a senior and experienced (32 years, 4 months, and 22 days into his profession) about-to retire-looking-for-job-opportunities-post-retirement specialist working in the statistics department of the government. When he asked me why I was limping, I had to tell him the truth. You can’t guess when these senior government officers will turn nasty. They can slightly nudge their colleagues in the City Corporation and they can come to your house in hordes with a digital measuring tape with a least count of 0.0001 inch and book you for deviations from the approved building plan.
Well, he analysed quickly as to why I sprained by ankle. He said today he will issue a government report (White Paper) to the Press on how to avoid spraining an ankle. Since there are no politicians in Karnataka to take credit for his intellectual exercise (as you may know, the state of Karnataka is under President’s rule); he was elated that he met me at this juncture.
He gave me a sneak preview of his report. Here it goes.
· Never go to Brigade Road wearing a brown shoe with soiled (even slightly) socks of whatever colour.
· Don’t go out at 1 pm when the Sun is shining. You can go to Brigade Road at 1 am, if the Sun is shining.
· Avoid autorickshaws when going to Brigade Road.
· While crossing the road, please concentrate on walking rather than looking here and there!.
These are his main recommendations. Several advisories will soon follow. Please wait for the final report.
Merry Christmas.
S .Gopal ….Keying in is better than idling